


Paradise

by Maisie_top_trash



Series: Unseen - Fear Will Lose [32]
Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Hallucinations, Holiday, M/M, Mental Illness, OCD, Recovery, Scars, Schizoaffective Disorder, Self Harm Scars, Vacation, kinda fluffy but still angsty, mental health
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-23
Updated: 2017-10-23
Packaged: 2019-01-22 03:04:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,108
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12472040
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Maisie_top_trash/pseuds/Maisie_top_trash
Summary: Unseen Fear Will Lose is a series of single chapter stories showing unseen scenes from the same universe as my main story, Fear Will Lose. In order to fully enjoy these extra bits, I recommend you go and read that first.Fear Will LoseIt was Kelly's idea to take a vacation, and honestly? Josh wasn't convinced. Tyler was doing well, he was stable, but Josh was concerned the pressure could crack him. And with a big exam looming for himself, his plate was already full and he wasn't sure he could cope with Tyler getting sick again. So fingers crossed that mothers really do know best.





	Paradise

Summing up how long Josh and Tyler had been together was complicated. Tyler had fallen in love before Josh but Josh had to wait longer whilst Tyler was hospitalised. They never set a specific break up date, or even established whether they were breaking up, when Josh left for Asia. Similarly they had never set a specific date when they got back together after Tyler got himself back together after his breakdown. Basically they had fallen in love 5 years ago and life had been complicated in between that date and today, but they still loved each other.

Josh still lived with his law school roommates but spent half the week at Tyler's, and the other half of the week Tyler spent at his. They were planning to move in with each other fairly soon, but postponed the apartment hunt until Josh took, and hopefully passed, the bar exam.

He still had another 8 weeks of studying before the big day, however Tyler's mom had decided that he deserved a break from living in the library with his head in a book. For that reason, she had offered to take him and the rest of the Joseph family on vacation to her friend's house in the Bahamas. Initially Josh had been reluctant for the sheer reason of cost, he was a student with no supporting family after all, but eventually Kelly had persuaded him that it was okay to accept it as a gift. The fact it was a friend's house meant there wasn't the cost of a hotel room, so really all she was paying for was his flight.

In spite of their long relationship, Josh had never actually flown with Tyler before and he was slightly concerned if he was honest. Nobody else seemed particularly worried, but Josh had visions of his boyfriend feeling claustrophobic and freaking out and becoming unwell but nobody being able to settle him due to the fact they were 35000ft in the air. But he kept those concerns to himself and instead went along with the fact that Tyler wanted everyone to meet at the airport 4 hours before the flight.

Josh looked up at the flights board and saw their check in desk was number 16, Tyler would like the fact it was 4 4s, then wheeled his case down towards the end of the terminal. It soon became apparent he was the last to arrive, Kelly and Chris standing with Ty, Zack standing with his arms around Tatum and Maddy standing with Jay. Maddy was desperate for her boyfriend Will to be invited but Kelly had used the excuse that having 8 people would be easier for Tyler's OCD, rather than the truth that she thought it was too soon in the relationship. She'd told Josh that whilst they had their regular catch up over a cup of coffee during Tyler's therapy.

"Howdy,"  
"Josh! Hey," Tyler met eyes with him, leaving his parents to greet him with a quick kiss then a hug. Josh squeezed him back then grabbed the handle of his suitcase and walked the remaining distance to the guys who all smiled and waved and said hello in their own variations.

"Hi darling," Kelly smiled.  
"Hey,"  
"Nice shirt." Chris cheered as they both saw they were wearing very similar Hawaiian shirts, and both saw their partner roll their eyes then laugh.  
"Great minds think alike."  
"Amen son."  
"Have you got your passport? I'll start checking us all in so that we can go through security and Tyler can have plenty of time to relax on the other side?" The mother asked.  
"Oh damn, knew I forgot something." Josh teased and Tyler gave him a gentle shove that made him laugh as he pulled out his passport and passed it across.  
"Thanks. Ty baby, wanna come talk to the lady with me? Check everything's going to be okay with the seating?"  
"Okay." He nodded, walking up to the desk with her and giving Josh the opportunity to go and join Tatum and Zack.

The couple had been going out ever since Josh had come back from Asia, and he knew they'd been flirting all through high school. It was ridiculous how cute they were together and Josh had no doubts that they would get married one day.

"Hey dude," Zack welcomed him.  
"Hey, sorry to interrupt."  
"No worries," Tatum smiled as she stopped hugging him and instead started playing with his hand. "Excited for this?"  
"Yeah I'm really looking forward to it, it's gonna make a nice change from flippin textbooks."  
"I bet." She laughed. "Have you left the country before?"  
"Yeah,"  
"Oh course you have, sorry, my bad."  
"No no it's okay, yeh I did my Asian tour thingy slash breakdown, but I also went to Italy once as a kid on a pilgrimage to Rome. Never the Bahamas though. You?" Josh asked her.  
"Does Canada count?"  
"Hoping it's gonna be a tad warmer where we're going." He smiled.

"How about you Zack, you guys travelled abroad much?"  
"Yeah couple of times, did Spain, Mexico, Hong Kong, urm, some place in Germany? We always had a lot of fun."  
"Sounds amazing." He agreed. "And how is Ty on planes? He okay?"  
"Even when we were kids he was a nervous flyer, you know, had to hold someone's hand during take off and landing and have them talk him through it, that sort of thing. Wouldn't dream of taking his belt off for even a moment. But he hasn't flown since his psychotic break so I don't know if he even knows how it's going to go, let alone me."

 

 

  
At some point Kelly had upgraded the whole family to first class, and if Josh had known that then he would have protested her splashing out on him, which was exactly why she had done it in secret. And although there was the added comfort factor, the primary reason was there were 4 seats in a row opposed to 6, and it was a ploy to keep Tyler calm.

It wasn't working especially well, Josh thought to himself as they taxied the run way with his hand almost numb due to how tight Tyler was squeezing.  
"Do you want to cuddle Ty? Would that be better?"  
"No! No, I, I need to stay in my seat, it's safer." He shook his head sharply.  
"Okay sweetie, just remember that the pilot has done this hundreds of times and every time has gone absolutely fine so-"  
"I can't do this."  
"Yes you can."  
"I can't I can't I can't I can't, please Josh, make them stop, I need to get off, please," Tyler panicked with tears in his eyes and Josh felt helpless.  
"Sweethea-"  
"Mom I need my meds, please, please, please, please," he turned across the aisle to ask his mom who sat next to his dad.  
"Baby you already had them, remember? Had them at the gate so they should be kicking in soon, just keep trying to ground yourself until you feel the effects."

Tyler turned back to face Josh when suddenly the engine got louder as they started gathering speed for takeoff, and the noise pushed Tyler over the edge and tears began streaming down his face. Josh knew he didn't want to lean across the armrest for a hug but he figured that he needed one so wrapped his arms around the crying man.

"Shh, it's just the engine okay? It's just the engine."  
"En-gine?"  
"Yeah that's right, it's normal babe, it's normal I promise, everything's going to be fine, shh, nice and calm," he gently murmured with his lips pressed against Tyler's head. "We're going to take off any second now, okay? Ready, oop, there we go. Can you see out of the window? Look for my Chevy in the parking lot?"  
"I don't like it,"  
"Okay handsome, you can close your eyes if you want." Josh reassured him as the plane tilted up up up into the sky.

"I don't l-like it Jo-sh."  
"There's nothing to be scared of I promise, you're completely safe, just try and slow your breathing down." Josh hummed calmly. "What are you most excited for on this vacation? Swimming? Orrr, going to the market? Or making fresh orange juice? Or going to the bea-"  
"I don't like the beach!"  
"Okay not the beach, shh, not the beach, what do you like Ty?"  
"I wanna g-go h-home."  
"Tyler do you remember what you said to me on Tuesday? When we were in our bedroom at my house?"  
"Y-yeh,"  
"You said that it doesn't matter where we end up living or where we are because wherever I am is home to you. You said that home is a sense of security and safety and you said that that's me Ty; I know you're scared, planes are scary, but I also know that you can do this. You're brave, you're safe, you're gonna be okay." Josh told him whilst tracing small circles into his back.

 

 

  
2 hours into the 4 and a half hour flight, Tyler had calmed down a bit. Josh wasn't sure whether he'd cried himself exhausted or the meds had kicked in or he'd simply managed to take control, but he was pleased. Despite having a TV screen each, they both shared Josh's and watched Beetlejuice with earphone splitters. The armrest was up and Tyler was hugged against Josh's chest whilst Josh slowly played with his boyfriend's hair. He knew Tyler was still struggling and could feel his shaky uneven breaths, but hoped that he would be able to focus on the movie.

Josh wasn't particularly following the screen, instead finding himself staring out at the seemingly endless clouds out the window. It was addictive and, in his opinion, far more interesting than the film he'd seen a dozen times before.

"Josh," Tyler whispered discreetly and he looked down at him whilst taking out his earphones.  
"Yeah darling?"  
"M-my nails are loose." He said concerned, sitting up and pressing down his thumb nail hard with the pad of his other thumb.  
"Your nails are loose?"  
"Yeh, they're, they're gonna fall off Josh."  
"Oh dear, that's not very nice, should I have a look?" Josh offered softly and Tyler nodded then placed one of his hands in Josh's for inspection. He knew full well that Tyler was having obsessive thoughts and it wasn't real, but that didn't mean it was any less serious than if all his nails were going to fall off. It was a slippy slope from nails to violent depictions of murdering demons.

"Hmm,"  
"They're gonna fall off aren't they? I, I need to push them down." Tyler decided and began pressing each nail so the surrounding skin went white with pressure. "I need to push them."  
"I think I know what to do,"  
"You do?"  
"Yeh," Josh nodded, then brought Tyler's hands up to his face and gently kissed each one of them individually, not rushing. As he moved onto his second hand, Tyler admired his first and seemed satisfied with the solution Josh had come up with.

"Okay?"  
"I-it, it worked?" Tyler seemed surprised.  
"Yeah of course it worked babe, and if they feel wobbly again then I can top them up." Josh told him as he settled back down. "Why were they loose Ty?"  
"Not enough 4s."  
"Because 4s make things better, yeah?" Josh assumed and Tyler nodded against his chest. "Well I can see lots of 4s. 4 seats on this row, 4 switches up there, 4 slats on the air con, 4 buttons on your polo, 4 elastic bands on your wrist, 4 magazines in the pocket, 4 freckles on my hand-"  
"S'not enough, s'not enough, s'not enough, s'not enough,"  
"Enough to what sweetheart?"  
"To counteract the bad number."  
"What's that?"  
"35000," Tyler whispered near silently.  
"Oh, how high up we are?"  
"Y-yeh, it's, it's bad, 5 times 7, 5 and 7, they're bad."  
"But 5 add 7 is 12, and that's a multiple of 4 so it's okay." Josh tried to convince him.  
"12 is 1 and 2, and 1 add 2 is 3 and that's bad."  
"Hmm, okay," Josh tried to think of another way. "Well 35000-"  
"Sshh!! It's bad! Don't say it."  
"Sorry sorry, but that number, if you add the 3 and the 5, that's 8. 8's okay, isn't it?"  
"It's not as good as 4," Tyler said.  
"It's 4 add 4 babe, I think it's okay,"  
"I think it's okay." He echoed quietly, reflecting on it as Josh stroked his back and waited patiently.

"It's not bad, I still don't like it though."  
"No," Josh pretended to understand his logic. "But I think it's good enough to stop your nails falling off."  
"Mmm," he agreed, deep in thought. "Can I snap my fingers?"  
"Of course you can honey, you know you're allowed."  
"But the doctors said I had to ask, said it might make people annoyed and angry."  
"Well it doesn't make me annoyed or angry."  
"W-what about everyone else?"  
"It's a noisy airplane darling, they won't hear, it's okay,"  
"I, I, I wanna ask,"  
"You wanna ask who Ty?"  
"Everyone."  
"Everyone? There's hundreds of people here sweetheart, I think it's okay if you just snap your fingers."

"Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom!" Tyler sat up and called her, and she took out her own earphones and leant across the aisle to speak to him.  
"Yes baby?"  
"Can I snap my fingers?"  
"Yes you can baby,"  
"What about the other people?"  
"Sweetheart I asked the pilot earlier and he said he checked with everybody and they said it was okay." Kelly lied.  
"All of them?"  
"All of them." She nodded, and immediately Tyler began snapping his fingers in sets of 4 over and over and over again, alternating hand between sets.

 

 

As soon as the flight ended, the compulsions subsided too. Falling back on old rituals was fairly normal for Tyler during anxiety provoking situations and didn't necessarily point towards an OCD relapse, but nevertheless Josh decided to keep a close eye on his precious boyfriend. Not that that would really be any different from how closely he watched him anyway.

Tyler fell asleep almost as soon as they all piled into the transfer taxi, and Josh felt borderline evil when he had to wake him up to announce they had arrived at the villa they'd be staying in for the next week. But with an adorable yawn and a slight excited giggle, Tyler climbed out of the car and walked alongside Josh hand in hand into the house. Chris offered to take in their bags.

"So, want me to Tyler-proof the place first? Or want to do it yourself?" Josh asked whilst unlocking the front door with the keys Kelly gave him.  
"Urmm, I think I'll be alright thanks, we can do it together."  
"Okay babe," he kissed Tyler briefly then pushed the door open and stepped inside. Josh held it open for him and he entered, then managed to find the doorstop to keep it propped for the family who were struggling with the bags. He did feel slightly guilty for leaving them with the heavy lifting, but Tyler's parents had specifically asked him to settle Tyler in before everyone else found their way to the home.

"Right sexy, anything bugging you in here?"  
"Just the fact you're wearing clothes." Tyler chuckled then looked around the open plan kitchen slash living area for anything that might trigger him if he was having a tough time. Josh watched and waited patiently as he moved a fruit bowl and rearranged some cushions, then checked the cupboards and took out a few plates and put them on a different shelf. With a final scan, he gave Josh the thumbs up.

"Upstairs now? Bedroom?"  
"Yep." The younger nodded.  
"Want me to count the stairs for you first?"  
"Nah, if they're a bad number then I'll never get up there. Might as well just go up because that way I've got no choice other than to accept that nothing bad happens."  
"Proud." Josh smiled honestly as they climbed up the flight. Despite the fact it was curled, there were only the standard 13 steps and Tyler was okay with that.

Before they flew out, Kelly's friend had sent her loads of images of the house so that Tyler could get used to the layout and details without even leaving his bedroom, which meant he'd already chosen their room for the week and was already familiar with the route on how to get there.

"This looked safe in the photos but it's always best to check." Tyler hummed as they entered and let go of his hand.  
"Alright babe, no rush."  
"I mean, I mean it doesn't feel safe to me, it is safe though." He corrected himself the way the hospital taught him.  
"It's all safe Ty, but if there's anything we can do to make it feel safer then that's an added bonus. Don't worry, I understand."  
"Thanks,"  
"Babe have you seen that? Wanna move it?" Josh gestured towards the clock on the wall, knowing he had a tendency to watch it and work himself up over timings and numbers and breathing patterns. He span to see it then let out a small sound of realisation then took it down before looking for a new home for it.

"Here, gimme, I'll pop it in your mom's room and she can keep it."  
"Thanks babe," Tyler smiled and passed it across, then gave their room a quick glance before walking over to Josh and wrapping his arms around him. "And thank you, you know, for looking after me on the plane."  
"Sweetheart you know it's never a problem,"  
"I was just scared, always have been, and I don't know why."  
"Tyler I said it's alright, okay? You did so so well babe, for a moment I thought you were going to have an episode, but nope, you managed to claw it back and I'm so proud of you for that."  
"Thank you,"  
"No thank you Tyler, thank you for doing this sweetheart."  
"Huh?"  
"I know this isn't exactly easy for you, I know there's so many unknowns and so many potential triggers and I know you would have felt much calmer and safer just staying at home but you chose to come on vacation with me regardless because you know I needed a break. Thank you,"  
"Well I love you Josh, you're worth it."  
"I love you too peanut." He smiled fondly then leant in for a kiss.

 

 

  
The day after they arrived felt like the first proper day of vacation, once the sweat and grind of crawling through airport queues and plane seats and taxi rides was finally washed away by the realisation that the sun and the sea were only seconds away. Josh wasn't in a rush to wake up for a change, and instead he and Tyler laid in their double and silently stroked each other as they slowly came out of their slumber.

He could have laid in his boyfriend's arms forever, soaking in the bliss he gave him, but was rudely interrupted when the alarm rang from Tyler's phone. With a groan the skinnier rolled out of bed and silenced the medication reminder then reached into his backpack and pulled out his morning pills and a bottle of water from the airport, then quickly gulped them down.

"Eugh, think I might just get up now, see whether anyone else is dumb enough to be awake." Tyler yawned.  
"Alright babe, I'll come too."  
"Do you know where my tubigrip sleeves are?" He asked, digging around in the suitcase that they were both too exhausted to unpack the previous night.  
"What do you need them for? It's just your family Ty, they're not gonna care." Josh was confused as to why exactly Tyler was hunting for the bandages he sometimes covered both his forearms with.  
"PJ shirt is short sleeved, too hot for a hoodie, Maddy doesn't like looking at my scars, no point upsetting her over something I could avoid."  
"Alright sweetheart, if you're sure. They're in the top compartment I think, near your books."  
"Oh yeh, thanks." He said, standing up a moment later with his arms hidden away like some shameful secret.

"I like them so much more without the bandages."  
"Well you're the only one."  
"You'll learn to accept them one day Ty."  
"Nah," Tyler sighed sadly, repositioning one slightly to cover another dark purple stripe below his elbow.  
"Come 'ere," Josh beckoned and Tyler did, kneeling next to him on the bed and letting the older pick up his hands and kiss them. "Just because they're not something to be proud of, doesn't mean they're something to be ashamed of."  
"But I am."  
"Sweetheart they're not going to go away by hiding them away, and it's not going to help you feel better about them either."

"Please Josh, don't make me take the sleeves off."  
"Tyler would I ever force you to do anything?"  
"No,"  
"No, exactly. If you'd feel more comfortable covering up then absolutely by all means feel free to do it, I just want to let you know that I love you and that includes every single part of you, which means that I do love your scars Ty. Just because I hate the stories behind them doesn't mean I hate the way you look because of them. I love you, warts and all."  
"I love you too, I just wish they weren't there."  
"So do I Ty, so do I." Josh agreed whilst rubbing his knee supportively. "But they are and that's not going to change any time soon. Sooner you learn to love them, the better."  
"I think, I think I'll just focus on trying to like myself for now, loving can wait."  
"I can do the loving for both of us." He smiled and Tyler leant forwards and kissed him gently whilst Josh's hand found its way up to his hair and pulled him closer.

 

 

  
After breakfast, a concoction of fruits and breads and nuts that Kelly bought from the supermarket, Tyler went into the pool with Maddy whilst the others remained sat on the terrace area. His mom was fully aware of his desires to stay covered up in front of his little sister so had purchased a long sleeved UV swim top off the Internet which Tyler happily wore whilst bobbing up and down in the water.

Josh grazed on left over almonds whilst listening and occasionally adding to the conversation, which was mostly between Zack and Jay and their parents but sometimes Tatum would say something too. There was a slight lull and Josh met Kelly's eyes as she watched her eldest son having fun in the pool, and smiled.  
"He's doing well, isn't he?" She said proudly.  
"Who, Ty?" Zack asked and she nodded. "Yeh he's doing great, I accidentally touched his watermelon when I passed him a piece rather than giving him the plate and he was absolutely fine with it."  
"Bless, good for him."  
"He slept through the night, no problems." Josh reported.  
"And he took his meds okay last night?"  
"Yep absolutely fine."

"Not sure who to ask, Josh or Kelly, but Zack and I are sharing a bathroom with him, am I okay to leave my razor in there?" Tatum enquired thoughtfully, and Kelly gestured for Josh to use his judgement and answer.  
"Yeh that's alright, I leave mine out when he stays with me."  
"Okay thanks,"

"Is he gonna go out at all?" Jay asked.  
"Maybe, we'll see, no need to push him but simultaneously no need to underestimate him." His mom answered.  
"He told me he doesn't want to go to the beach but he wants to try a restaurant." Josh piped up. "Probably not tonight, but one day."  
"Oh that's awesome." Chris smiled.  
"Actua-" Josh began to say but was cut off by a sudden blood curling scream that could belong to nobody except Tyler. It was followed by frantic panicked splashing and instantly Josh stood up and began running down the steps towards him, but he was the furthest away and Jay was slightly quicker.

"Get him out, get him out, get him out!" He rushed to say whilst running to the poolside and Jay immediately dived in and Josh watched with a pounding heart as the younger but taller brother reappeared and looped his arms around the screaming man.  
"Tyler stop," Jay tried to calm him down as he resisted his embrace, but Jay was stronger and able to lift his hysterical brother out of the pool despite his squirms. Josh was standing at the edge and Kelly handed him a towel that he wrapped around his soaking wet sobbing boyfriend, then hugged him tight as they sat on the ground.

"Shh, shhhh don't scream, you're safe Tyler."  
"Baby you're okay, you're okay," Kelly joined him in trying to calm down Tyler but still hyperventilated and cried terrified.  
"I, I don't know what happened, he was fine and then he wasn't." Maddy said worried, climbing out of the pool too.  
"You're okay baby, deep breaths, Joshie and Momma are here, you're okay,"  
"Thanks for jumping in." Josh discreetly said to Jay, who was wringing out his shirt. All Jay did was nod respectfully then go back to drying himself out.

"Baby breathe," his mom stroked Tyler's back. "I think maybe you just swallowed a little bit of water and scared yourself, but d-"  
"No!"  
"No? What happened then baby?"  
"I, I, I," he gulped. "Blood."  
"Blood?"  
"Did the pool turn to blood Ty?" Josh guessed and he nodded before breaking down further into his arms. "Oh darling, that's not nice, that's not nice at all, but don't worry you're out now and we've got you. Is it still blood or is it water again?"  
"W-wa-ter,"  
"Yeah that's right, it's water," he hushed him softly with a gentle rock. "And it's been water this whole time I promise, it's just your head tricking you, and it's tricking you because you're scared, so the more you focus on breathing, the less likely it is to happen again."

"Shhh, we're here baby, we're not going anywhere." Kelly reassured him as he cried.  
"Do you need me to get anything? Meds?" Chris offered, stood further back to not overwhelm Tyler.  
"Meds sweetie? Want them? I won't make you." Josh asked him.  
"N-no,"  
"Anything else? One of your comforting things?" His mom suggested slowly but Tyler shook his head again. "No thanks Chris."

"Do you want to sit this out here? Or move?"  
"M-move," he gulped. "With you."  
"Want Mom to go somewhere different baby? Because that's okay, as long as you stay with Joshie then I'll leave you to it."  
"Josh, just Jo-sh."  
"Okay baby," Kelly nodded, leaning in and kissing him on the temple gently.  
"Where do you want to go Ty? The bedroom? Or the gazebo at the bottom of the garden? Somewhere else?"  
"Ga-zebo."  
"Alright," Josh said softly, stroking his soft wet cheek with a gentle sigh.

Kelly stood up and squeezed Josh's shoulder, then went with the rest of the family cautiously back up the terrace, and Josh waited until Tyler seemed okay with the change before standing up and helping his boyfriend to do the same. He kept his arms wrapped around his back protectively whilst Tyler clung onto the towel like his life depended on it.

"You're doing reaallyy well babe, really well," he hummed as he guided Tyler towards the structure not too far from the pool and tried to gauge from the speed of his breaths whether he was coping okay with the situation.

"Alright baby, good job, do you wanna sit on my lap?" Josh asked as he sat down on a large pillow couch.  
"I'm, I, I'm wet,"  
"I don't mind."  
"But, but," Tyler stammered then burst into tears again and turned away. Josh didn't even flinch as he stood up, nice and close to him, and took the towel into his grip then positioned it round his hand so that he could gently wipe away the chlorinated water and the tears from Tyler's face before running it roughly through his hair a few times to take off the worst of the water.

"Should we take your swim shirt off? Because it's holding a lot of water."  
"O-okay." Tyler gasped, so Josh put the towel to one side then helped his boyfriend to peel the material away from his damp striped skin and over his head before dropping it on the floor.

Josh knew Tyler was desperate to cover up, utterly ashamed of the deep shadows of wounds that etched their way across his abdomen and chest, and all down his arms. He scrambled for the towel to hide behind, but Josh was quicker and picked it back up, and lovingly began drying him little by little.

"You're okay darling, you're okay, and you're so so beautiful and so so brave. You've got no reason to feel upset or ashamed or scared," Josh's voice was as quiet as a whisper as he worked. "You're making me so proud Tyler, you're amazing and you're doing so well."  
"Josh,"  
"I'm here babe, I'm here." He smiled supportively, giving his shoulder one final drying wipe then dropping the towel down and holding his arms out for a hug which Tyler immediately took him up on.

"You know," Josh began murmuring as he gently started swaying them as one. "Last night, I had a dream about us. I dreamt we were back home, in Columbus, in our home. We lived together in one of those big houses out by the country club on the hill and we had this beautiful sweeping staircase with huge banisters, and I was stood at the bottom and you were stood at the top. You were calling down, telling me to get ready, then the next thing I know you lifted up this little boy and sat him on the banister and he slid straight down, giggling the whole way, and I caught him at the end. He was our son Tyler."  
"Son?" He sniffed.  
"Yeah," Josh kissed him on the top of his wet head.

"I dream about having kids with you Tyler, and I know right now that seems too far in the distance, but every single day you're taking another step closer," his hand found its way up to Tyler's soft jaw, caressing tenderly. "Two more months of this silly half and half living in each other's houses, then we'll be getting our own, baby. Our own home, our own place to grow and to love and to keep taking these steps until one day my dream is a reality and we do have a littleone running around to one day sit down and tell stories of your bravery here today and everyday."

 

 

 

"Don't have too much fun without us." Chris smiled, leaning against the wall whilst Kelly ran around in a borderline frenzy trying to find her high heels that she swore she packed.  
"Likewise." Tyler's voice was strained yet still hoarse and quiet, but the sentiment was enough to make his dad smile.

"We won't be gone too long, but make sure to leave the door unlocked for us just in case you're asleep when we get back?"  
"We will." Josh nodded. "Any rough ideas on timing?"  
"Doubt Kel is going to relax much, so most likely back before 10, half 10 at the very latest."  
"Don't rush Dad."  
"We won't kid, we won't. We'll take as long as we need and no longer." Chris reassured his son. "And yes, before you ask, I'll do my best to make sure Mom enjoys herself."  
"Thank you."

"What's this?" Kelly walked into the living room of their house for the week, carrying a pair of blue kitten heels that matched the shawl she wore on top of a semi formal summer dress.  
"Oooh, very nice." Josh gave his seal of approval.  
"You look stunning love." Chris stood up and pecked her on the lips, then rested his arm around her waist as they turned to face the couple snuggled on the couch together.

"I just said I want you to enjoy your date Mom, not be worrying the whole night about me."  
"Oh baby," she smiled sadly. "Look, as long as I know you're with Josh, I'm not going to be worrying myself sick,"  
"I'll look after him Mommy Kelly." Josh held his boyfriend close.  
"I know you will poppet."  
"You've got no reason to worry love, no reason at all. Ty's doing great and Josh knows what he's doing." Chris reassured her and she nodded.

"Mom?"  
"Lemme just say a proper goodbye and then I promise we'll leave you two boys to it."  
"Okay." Tyler shuffled out of Josh's embrace, rightfully guessing she was walking across to give him a hug. Josh watched with a smile as she squeezed him tight, burying her hands in his back and holding him tight, much longer than a casual goodbye but much more emotional too.

"I'm going to be fine Mom."  
"I know baby, I know." She let go with a quick kiss. "Call me, yeah? Forget about international charges blah blah blah, if you need me, you call me."  
"I will."  
"I love you."  
"I love you too."  
"And I love you too mister." Kelly turned to smile at Josh, then leant down and pressed a kiss to his forehead.  
"Love you too, have a good evening guys,"  
"You too." Chris smile appreciatively as he finally opened the villa's front door and Kelly fumbled to slide her shoes on, then followed after him out of the door, finally leaving the pair alone together.

Tatum, Maddy, and Zack had left almost half an hour earlier, learning the legal drinking age was 18 in the Bahamas so racing to the nearest cocktail bar to introduce Maddy to a whole plethora of that drinks that even Josh had to admit he'd never heard of. Jay, unsurprisingly, had already managed to find the nearest basketball court and was off doing what he did best. Chris and Kelly were going to a restaurant on the beach front for a date night, and Tyler and Josh were having their own date in the form of a night in. The tiny island even had their own Domino's, so really it was not that different from a normal night for the pair, and everyone agreed that Tyler was in need of a normal night.

"How you holding up?" Josh's hand found its way to Tyler's soft hair and played casually.  
"Tired," he sighed, leaning into Josh's palm a little.  
"Wanna get into our PJs?"  
"What will the pizza guy think when he rocks up and sees you in you hole-ridden NASA shirt and boxer shorts and me in your old uni shirt and boxer shorts? He'll think we're crazy."  
"Who cares what the pizza guy thinks? We're on vacation." Josh smiled softly.

"I love you Josh."  
"I know." He whispered, not in an arrogant manner but a comfortable one. He felt loved, he felt cared for, he felt important and he felt needed. He felt blessed. "I love you you too."  
"I know."

"About earlier-" Tyler started saying.  
"Baby, baby don't. You already apologised, you already said thank you, you already apologised again. You don't need to do either, you never do, okay?"  
"Not the episode, thanks, but not that, about what you said afterwards."  
"Right, sorry, go on?"  
"Y-you, you wanna have kids?"  
"I mean, yeah? I've just, I, I'd never considered not having kids." Josh frowned a little. "Back with Debby and everything, you know, we, the plan was always that we were gonna have four, two girls and two boys if we could pick, that way we'd have a hand for each of them."  
"Oh,"

"Do you not want kids Ty?" He wished he could ask the question without his heart thumping through his chest, but the reality was that his world could be broken by the next syllable his boyfriend uttered.  
"It's, i-it's, I'm, it's complicated, it's not that I don't want kids, it's just, uh, just,"  
"Just?" Josh didn't want to push him but couldn't accept that he'd never be a father and never understand the reason why not.

"So, so back when I was a kid, like really little,"  
"Yeah,"  
"That's when it all started, you know? The OCD, that's when the thoughts started and everything was so scary all the time, and I was fricking miserable. And Josh, I can't, honestly, I can't remember a time before that."  
"Right,"  
"I'm scared. I'm," he gulped and Josh listened. "I'm scared if we use a surrogate that I'm going to pass it on to them, to our little baby."  
"OCD?"  
"Uh huh." Tyler nodded, Josh's hand slipping momentarily but quickly finding it's way back to Ty's soft strands.

"Babe, genetic disposition, that's an absolutely minuscule factor in determining mental health. And if you're really worried, I can be the sole donor."  
"Like you said though, it's not, it's not just genetics, it's nurture and environment too. What, w-wh-what, what if I give our baby OCD? What if I teach them rituals? Teach them patterns? What if..." Tyler couldn't finish his sentence because Josh caught sight of the familiar glint of panic in his wide eyes, and pulled Tyler close to his chest, holding him firmly but calmly.

"It's not contagious, it's not transferable, it's not going to rub off on them I guarantee."  
"But, but, b-but,"  
"Tyler, sweetheart, don't do this to yourself."  
"What if it's not just myself! What if I end up doing this to our kids! What, what if I turn them into me!"  
"If they turn out to be half as brave, half as intelligent, half as amazing as you are, then I'll be the proudest dad in the world."  
"You know what I mean Josh!" Tyler exclaimed fearfully, and Josh squeezed him supportively.

"I know peanut, I know. You've had the toughest time, and you don't ever want a little one to go through the same things you did." Josh guessed and Tyler nodded against his chest. "But they won't Ty, okay? They won't, because even if they do struggle with any sort of mental health issues, they'll have you. You'll be the best role model to them, the best example, the best-"  
"I can't,"  
"You can."  
"I can't! I, I'm, I can't even go swimming without getting sick, I'm not well enough to guide a young child!"  
"You're not well enough yet, yet being the key word. But guess what Ty? We're not having a kid yet, we're not even engaged yet. These things are all muuch later down the road." He hummed soothingly.

"Every single day you're getting better Tyler, and that trend's going to continue up and up and up until you're self confident enough to see what I see."  
"I don't, I-I don't, um, I don't feel like I'm getting any better. I feel like I might be getting worse." Tyler mumbled.  
"Worse? Tyler! We're in the Bahamas!" Josh exclaimed with a soft laugh. A supportive laugh, a playful laugh, a laugh that Tyler found a little lightness in. "You are amazing. And did you have a hallucination today? Yes you did. But you also had a million and one reasons to be on edge and be triggered, you're away from home, in a pool which you always used to call a liquid germ hive, anxious about the upcoming week, off your normal schedule, hadn't had your mornings meds yet, nervous about Maddy seeing your scars, in another fricking country! Tyler, there were days, weeks, where sitting in your bedroom in complete silence was enough to cause a violent episode. But no, you didn't have a violent episode, you had a momentary lapse and you coped phenomenally. So if that's not progress, I don't know what is."

"It's just, it, it's, it just sucks because that was my first hallucination this month." Tyler said sadly.  
"I know, you're right, it sucks." Josh was happy to agree with him. "But it was so short and you did so well baby."  
"And it just proves that, even if I am doing better, anxiety provoking situations make me sick,"  
"Yeh,"  
"So what if adopting or surrogacy is one of those triggers for me? What if that pushes me into illness again?"  
"Tyler, babe, do you remember allll of those months when seeing me was a trigger? When it was too difficult for us to be in the same room? How hard you had to work in order to even pluck up the courage to speak to me? You worked and you worked and you worked, and now look at us hey! Just because you're feeling anxious about a situation right now, doesn't mean you'll always feel anxious about the situation."  
"Mmm," he hummed whilst Josh held him close, not wanting to let go.

"But Ty,"  
"Yeah?"  
"As much as I've always thought about having kids, since the moment I sat next to you in Mrs Piper's bio class, more than anything I've always, always wanted for you to be happy. That takes priority over everything else."  
"Why?" Tyler looked up with soft, round, scared eyes.  
"Why? Because I love you Tyler." Josh's lips briefly met Tyler's, a peck that still gave him cliche tingles.

"And maybe in a year you won't be ready, maybe in 4 you won't, or in 8, or 12, or 16. Maybe you'll never be ready Tyler, in which case I'll continue doing what I'm doing. Loving you."  
"Even if I can't..?"  
"Even if you turn purple and grow another head." Josh teased and Tyler laughed a little then nestled closer. "Always Tyler. I will always love you."

 

 

 

Whilst Maddy was wallowing in self pity and nursing her first (or so she claimed in his mother's presence) ever hangover the next morning, Josh was poolside with Tatum and Zack, watching as Jay showed off how many lengths he could go underwater without breathing. It wasn't particularly impressive the first time, so it was fair to say that by the 18th attempt that nobody was particularly amused.

"Babe, do you mind topping up my back?" Tatum sat up from the sun bed with a yawn.  
"Course." Zack put his glass of lemonade down and stood up, picking up a bottle of sun cream and squirting some into his hand.

"I'm so glad Ty hasn't asked me to do his cream yet, it grosses me out, I can barely stand to do my own."  
"Can't imagine Ty is gonna be a massive fan of all that touching." Zack hummed as he started massaging it into Tatum's shoulders.  
"Eh, he doesn't seem to hate it when Josh touches him." Tatum smirked a little and Josh just tutted disapprovingly.

"That time I did 5!" Jay burst up from the depths of the pool with a splash and a splutter.  
"Great. Next time don't come back up." Zack heckled.  
"You're just jealous!"  
"I'm not."  
"Yes you are! First I was better than you at basketball, and now-"  
"Oh fuck off Jay."  
"Zachary! No swearing!" Chris bellowed from the terrace, book in hand.

"If you think you can do better, prove it."  
"I don't need to prove it."  
"You're scared."  
"Yep, you got me, I'm scared of not being able to almost drown myself." Zack laughed a little in the way that all brotherly banter ended. At least that was what Josh had learnt since leaving the Dun household.

"I'll challenge you Jay." Josh stood up and stretched a little, then pulled his shirt over his head. "Most consecutive lengths without coming up for a breath."  
"Josh?" A small voice said and he looked up from the teen in the pool to see Tyler timidly descending the stairs, shoulders anxiously hunched as he held a piece of paper nervously in both hands.

"Hey you,"  
"Hi,"  
"Everything okay?" He turned away from Jay and waited for Tyler to walk around the pool, then embraced him for a short moment of time.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm good, yeah, I just, Mom and I finished this and I wanted you to check it?"  
"Course." Josh nodded and took the sheet from him, then sat back down on the sun bed and Tyler did the same, shuffling nice and close to his shirtless boyfriend.

"What's that?" Zack asked casually rather than nosily.  
"My timetable." He whispered softly.  
"You just made that? With Mom?"  
"Yeh, just, what with the plane ride being tough and then the incident with the pool yesterday, I dunno, wanted to feel safer, Mom suggested trying this," Tyler shrugged whilst Josh scanned over the hourly plan for the week, looking out for any potential sticking points.  
"S'good idea." Zack approved.

"Wait what's this?" Josh asked, pointing his short nail to the blocked out section of Thursday afternoon.  
"Boat trip."  
"The boat trip? You're gonna come on that Ty? Are you sure?"  
"I think so,"  
"Babe, that's 6 hours out on the ocean, it's not gonna be quick or easy to get you back here if you start struggling." He reached across slightly and held Tyler's hand.  
"Please,"  
"If you're sure you want to try it then we can make it work somehow, but I'm not exactly convinced it's gonna be the easiest afternoon for you."  
"But, but you want to go Josh, I don't want to hold you back."  
"I'll stay back with you Ty, not a problem." Zack offered.  
"And if you're not completely okay with that then I'll stay with you. It's just a boat trip, I don't mind." Josh squeezed his hand.

"It's your vacation too Josh." Tyler mumbled. "You, you've got the bar coming up, this is supposed to be relaxing for you,"  
"Hey, I'm relaxed babe, look at me. I'm by the pool, I'm in the sun, I'm with my family, I'm not wearing a shirt and I'm wearing outrageously short swimming trunks." He smiled.  
"Don't look for too long though Ty, you two aren't alone out here and we heard quite enough last night-" Zack started saying but was cut off by Tatum slapping him playfully.  
"Zack!"  
"I'm just saying! You know, I'm happy you guys are, uh, active?"  
"Zack they're trying to have a serious conversation!" Tatum protested again as Josh turned red, and not because of the sun.

"We were only kissing." Tyler whispered, then a small grin started growing on his face, and the moment his eyes flicked to meet Josh's, they were both in a fit of suppressed giggles.

"It went," Josh tried to speak in a controlled manner, "it went a little something like this," he sniggered, then put his hand on the back of Tyler's neck and guided him closer and closer until their lips collided. They could both vaguely hear Zack feigning a gag, but it became part of the background blur as they focused on what was important. Each other. One another, the pressure the other applied, the push back of their lips moving in complete and utter exhilarating unison.

 

 

 

On the third day of their vacation, Tyler had a spare two hours with nothing planned on his new (and very effective) timetable, and the rest of the family had gone down to the local market in search of some food supplies that were more exciting than what was on offer at the chain supermarket.

Tyler had taken Josh a little by surprise when he suggested they go for a walk together, but he definitely wasn't against the idea. After a quick top up of sun cream to fair the hot cloudless afternoon rays, and a brief note left on the kitchen counter in case the others got back before them, they left the villa and followed the first pathway they saw.

To start with, the route lead them down through the tourist oriented outlets, various souvenir shops and restaurants and novelty goods, and Josh couldn't help but notice how Tyler kept his hands to himself. However as soon as they were out of the view of the public and onto a more secluded section of the path, Josh's palm was pressed against Tyler's as they swung their linked hands.

The scar on Tyler's scalp that was discreetly visible where his hair no longer grew caught Josh's eye, but he didn't need to be reminded of his father's brutal attempt to end their relationship and his life, he knew for a fact that Tyler hadn't shown any intimacy in the town because he was scared of another homophobic attack. And Josh wanted to say that it was simply his paranoia, the constant sense of panic, his overthinking of everything, but he had to admit that he too wasn't completely comfortable with displaying affection in such an unknown environment.

Being in a quieter area of the island, and following a sandy path that weaved around the far side of the coast without being quite close enough to be classed as the beach, it felt safe. It was near the villa if Tyler needed to go back, it was away from judging eyes that Josh noticed scanning the self inflicted scars on Tyler's exposed neck and creeping out the bottom of the tubigrips that weren't quite long enough, and it was a place where they were truly free to be themselves. A surprisingly rare luxury.

"I hate the sound of the ocean." Tyler looked up from his flip flops and across as Josh with a slight squint, despite insisting he didn't need his sunglasses.  
"Why?"  
"I dunno, I just, it weirds me out? Like imagining how huge it is and how far it stretches and how much life it contains."  
"Isn't that beautiful though?" Josh countered. "I find it inspiring."  
"I guess it's just a little overwhelming? I can't get my head around it."  
"I suppose it is overwhelming, but I think I like that. Helps me keep things in perspective."  
"Yeah," Tyler swung their hands casually.

"It's the same sorta thing when I think about how huge the population of the world is. Maybe I'm experiencing something kinda difficult, but the chances are that one other person is feeling the same way as me, and that helps a lot." Josh told him.  
"The whole not being alone thing?"  
"Yeah,"  
"I don't need to think about the whole world, I've got you right here reminding me everyday that I'm not alone." Tyler smiled, briefly squeezing Josh's bicep with his free hand.

"Do you remember Mr Hamilton? He was head of geography?"  
"I remember you doing a backflip off the prom dinner table and almost knocking him out." Tyler recalled with a laugh.  
"Yep that's the one." Josh laughed too. "Before you joined the school, Debby was training to be some sort of student mentor thingy and I went along to a seminar with her once to keep her company, and Mr Hamilton was presenting it."  
"Yeah,"  
"He was making some point about feeling alone, I don't remember exactly, but basically he was saying that human beings have been having thoughts and emotions for x many years, and there are y many human beings alive at any one point, so the odds of you have a unique thought are practically none. Everything anyone ever thinks of has already been thought of, and therefore a solution has been thought of too. Somewhere in time, it's happened before, and you just have to have a little faith that the human brain was able to figure it out last time so it'll do it again. Something like that."

"I dunno if I buy into the whole 'no such thing as a unique thought' thing. I mean last night I had a dream that you were steaming carrot batons for our dinner and I started crying because I wanted circle shapes, so you sewed the carrots back together and recut them into circles for me."  
"Do I win world's best boyfriend award?"  
"Dream Josh does, not you."  
"Am I not your 'dream Josh'?" He sulked with a playful pouting bottom lip, and Tyler laughed and bumped into his side to get him to stop.

"Nope. Not enough abs."  
"Not enough abs!" Josh gasped, then reached for the bottom of his shirt to flash them, but Tyler giggled embarrassed and insisted he stayed covered up with a rushed look around to see if anyone was looking. Josh laughed then quickly kissed him on the temple.

"I was thinking,"  
"Careful," Tyler teased.  
"Oi. I was thinking the other day about when you start doing your Teacher training course in September, and hopefully, fingers crossed, I'll have passed the bar."  
"You will babe."  
"We'll see. But by that September I want to be settled."  
"In an apartment together?"  
"Yeah," Josh nodded, then smiled proudly as Tyler did the same.

"Jesse is definitely moving out the week after the bar, Andrew reckons he'll be trying to find somewhere too. He suggested, and I agree, that we might give our 3 months notice to the landlord?"  
"3 months? Wow,"  
"And obviously if we can't find anywhere suitable for us in that time then we can stay with your parents, if they invite me, until we're happy with a place."  
"They'll definitely let you stay." Tyler sounded sure, and Josh knew he was right. "3 months is gonna go so quick."  
"I know, and if it's too quick then-"  
"It's not babe, it's not."

"Andrew said since you live with us Thursday through Sunday, you've got as much of a say as us. If you're not ready for us to give in our tenants' notice, then we won't."  
"I'm ready, yeah, moving in together to our first proper home, I'm ready." Tyler smiled at his feet then up and Josh again, and it seemed genuine.

"Come here you," Josh stopped walking and held out his other hand for Tyler to hold so they were stood opposite each other. He simply smiled at Tyler for a moment, then released one hand and used it to stroke the side of his face fondly.

"I," he began, pausing to soak in the moment. "Am so proud of you Tyler." Josh raised his other hand and cupped his boyfriend's jaw then kissed him. "So, so proud."  
"Thank you," he glanced down at Josh's lips lustfully, then took the lead and kissed him again, softly but urgently.

"I'm proud of you too Josh," they pulled apart, and Tyler's thumb slotted casually behind Josh's tattooed ear.  
"Me?"  
"This exam, the bar, you've been working so hard. I'm really proud of you,"  
"Oh thank you darling,"  
"After everything, you know, your parents, Debby, me, after everything you're still determined to achieve such greatness. It's what I love about you." Tyler seemed to speak from his heart, and Josh couldn't find the words to express his response. It was a response of mixed emotions overwhelmed by love, it was a fear and a bitterness and a hatred towards his abusive home life, a longing and a stinging associated with Debby, and nothing but admiration for the bravery his boyfriend showed every single day.

"It's all gonna be worth it one day Josh, everything we've been through, it's gonna pay off."  
"It's already worth it, just to have you here in my arms."

 

 

 

The boat trip has secretly been the thing that Josh was most looking forward to ever since it was mentioned many weeks ago when Kelly was booking it. He knew there was a very real chance that he'd stay at the villa with Tyler, and it wasn't that he didn't want to get his hopes up, it was more that he found it important to be realistic and not expect too much of his still sick boyfriend. However Tyler had exceeded everyone's expectations of him, and insisted on joining the rest of the family for the afternoon outing.

He wasn't exactly an expert in boats and didn't know what type it was, but he supposed it was sort of a small double decker sea barge. The bottom floor had a small kitchen in the cabin where the wife of the captain, Melissa, kept bringing them drinks from, and the rest was a fairly wide open space with benches, providing seating for at least 20 people, so was plenty spacious enough for the family. There was a little decking around the front of the boat, then a few steps up to the top. It was half under cover by a thin fabric roof, but the rest was kitted out with cushioning for sunbathing as they cruised across the ocean.

Perhaps predictably and a little stereotypically, Tatum and Maddy had raced up to begin their tanning session as soon as possible, and Jay was exploring the deck. Everyone else was sat on one of the heavily varnished benches, getting to know the captain and his wife as they sailed (without a sail) from the port over to their first stopping location of the afternoon.

Although Josh wanted to be paying attention to the conversation, he couldn't help the fact that his bare skin against Tyler's bare skin was so enticing, so tantalising, so thrilling that he had to keep his full attention on keeping himself decent in the shorts region whilst in the presence of his potential future in laws.

He wasn't entirely sure how it had happened, but he was fairly certain that when they first got on the boat, Chris went over to the couple running the excursion and had a firm word telling them that they weren't to stare at Tyler's scars in any circumstances with no exceptions or mistakes. So far, they'd done a good job of obeying. Or maybe they were just respectful.

And Josh didn't know whether it was the assurance of not being stared at, or the relief in the fact Maddy was upstairs and couldn't see and get upset, or if the holiday spirit had just got into Tyler and let him relax, but he wore no shirt and no tubigrips and had seemingly no shame in the horrendous marks coating his every patch of skin.

Proud was an understatement as Josh casually held them close to one another, relishing in the strange combination of Tyler's warm body and the perfect salty breeze as they moved across the pristine water. He found comfort in the fact that, almost unbelievably, he couldn't feel Tyler's heart hammering away in spite of the fact they were in an unfamiliar situation. His man was doing okay.

"Do you get many turtles around here Rodrigo?" Tyler asked the captain.  
"Turtles? Maybe sometimes, but dolphins? Round here we have many many dolphins,"  
"Oh wow,"  
"Have you ever seen a dolphin in the wild before?" Melissa said, standing close to her husband.  
"I've never seen a dolphin period."  
"We didn't take them to those big aquariums with the dolphins or the whales when they were kids, Chris and I don't agree with the whole premise of them in captivity." Kelly told them.  
"Good, horrible horrible places. Cruel." Rodrigo scoffed, a look of disgust on his face. "They belong out here in the ocean, free."

"Do you think we'll see any today?" Josh took his turn to ask a question.  
"Maybe," he shrugged, hands on the steering wheel, or whatever it was called for ships. "I don't like to chase them or to go where I know they often are, it feels like an invasion of their home. So I give them their space, and if they choose to come to us then that's up to them."  
"That's a lovely attitude Rodrigo." Kelly smiled as she stood up, Chris's hand helping her stay balanced and steady on the slightly bouncing floor of the boat. "Right, I'm gonna go join the girls in the sun."  
"Okay, take care on the steps Mrs Joseph,"  
"Thanks, I will,"

"Should we go too?" Tyler asked Josh.  
"And sunbathe?"  
"Nah, but could we sit on the front of the boat?"  
"Alright babe." Josh nodded before taking his hand from round Tyler's shoulder and managing to rise to his feet fairly smoothly, then helping Tyler to do the same, keeping hold of his hand. "See you later guys,"  
"Bye," Melissa smiled.

The couple staggered down the thin path that lead to the deck at the front, and Josh held tightly onto Tyler's hand and loosely onto the silver rail to his right. He heard Tyler make small noise of awe and Josh couldn't help but smile as he soaked in the simply stunning water that stretched for miles and miles and miles.

"Where did you get that?" Tyler laughed and Josh looked over to see Jay sat on the raised section covering the cabin beneath, spooling a spinning reel with a whole pile of fishing gear around him.  
"Dunno, just, found it?" Jay shrugged and they both laughed and sighed because it was so typical of the teen. The couple decided to ignore it and carried on walking to the very end of the vessel, then sat on the waxed floor and dangled their legs over the edge. Tyler was wearing adorably practical sandals, but Josh took his own flip flops off for safe keeping. It meant the water occasionally splashed up and sprayed the cottons of his feet with salty water, and only made him feel even more relaxed.

"Ahhh, I could get used to this."  
"Make a nice change from the library?" Tyler smirked.  
"To think that this time next week I'll be elbows deep in Hart and Wechsler's the Federal Courts and the Federal System 6th makes me want to cry."  
"Buuuttt you love it,"  
"Deep down, reaaaallyyyy reaaaallllyyy deep down." Josh groaned into his hands then laughed pitifully as himself.

"I'm gonna miss going to the library to meet you, I quite like our little lunch date setup we've got going." Tyler said.  
"Hey we can still go on lunch dates babe, and pretty soon it's gonna be you hunched over some music teacher textbook,"  
"S'gonna be so weird to go back to studying,"  
"My little worker bee," Josh winked playfully and pressed himself against Tyler briefly, a sense of pride pulsing through his veins.

"I know you're nervous about going to school again babe, but I also know that you're gonna absolutely smash it."  
"S'just school, right? Like if it's too much, if I have to drop out, it's not the end of the world,"  
"Exactly." He reassured his boyfriend. "It's a win win. If you can cope then you ultimately get to be a teacher, if it's not working out then we get to focus on other aspects of our life together, on hobbies and health and family and future and not careers."  
"And the finances?"  
"Don't worry about the finances Ty, you know what your mom said, she's got us covered. Plus, if everything goes to plan with the bar, I'm all lined up to go straight into work and I've already got 3 firms offering me positions. We're gonna be okay, we're gonna be more than okay Ty."

"Josh,"  
"Yeah babe?"  
"Can, um, uh," Tyler stuttered for the first time, and Josh instantly noticed. "So, um,"  
"I'm listening."  
"After you pass the bar,"  
"If."  
"You will," he said without hesitation. "And after, are you literally gonna go straight to work? Straight to one of those firms?"  
"Whhhyyy?" Josh caught on to what Tyler was hinting towards, then shuffled even close to him and wrapped his arm around his cute cherubic little frame. "Has someone caught the vacation bug? Someone fallen in love with the Bahamas? Someone got their heart set on a sneaky little celebratory trip? Hey? Hey?"  
"Busted!" Tyler giggled and Josh kissed him.

"I just, I, I'm having a really nice time babe, and I'm enjoying myself and I'm relaxed and I know that you are too, and, and I like it when we both feel like this." Tyler explained more softly.  
"I like it when we feel this way too. But we don't need to be in the Bahamas on some boat out over the ocean in order to chillax Ty, I know I've been stressy at home, not always the most fun to be around, but a couple more weeks then it's done."  
"I know baby," he cuddled himself against Josh's chest.

"Maybe after all this exam stress, it would be good for us to take another vacation?" Josh contemplated.  
"I think so, and it's not just because I wanna get tan," Tyler smiled, then sobered a little. "I don't like seeing you getting so stressed when you're revising, you always put so much pressure on yourself Josh. It's okay to take breaks and time off, it's okay to relax every now and then, you don't always have to be up slaving away."  
"Mmm,"  
"I just get worried when you get up at 5 every morning to go to the library and then bring books home with you and don't put them down until gone midnight. It's not healthy baby, not sustainable."

"I can try to be more-"  
"Josh, sweetheart, you don't need to change who you are, just kick this bad routine. I love you the way you are, and I think you've been managing remarkably with juggling everything. You're amazing."  
"Flirt."  
"Damn right," Tyler snaked his hand around the nape of Josh's neck and pressed their lips together.

 

 

 

About 20 minutes later, the boat came to a stop in the comparatively shallow waters near a tiny uninhabited island and dropped its anchors and cut its engines. Immediately a million ideas were tossed up, a casual dip, snorkelling, diving off the boat, fishing, sunbathing, a photoshoot, swimming to the island and exploring, eating lunch, card games, quiet time in the downstairs shade and reading.

With so many ideas floating around, Josh was momentarily concerned that the family would all split up and do different activities, but thankfully they'd done what they always did and pulled together. The plan of action was a swim in the ocean whilst Melissa finished cooking their lunch, then a relaxed meal all together before jetting off to the next location.

Tyler was anxious about going in the water, Josh didn't have to be a genius to work it out. No matter how exceptionally he was coping with the unfamiliar environment, he still got compulsive when he was nervous, and he was definitely nervous about getting sick whilst swimming again. Josh watched the not-so-subtle tapping and the occasional compulsive breathing patterns. A part of him wanted to swaddle Tyler up and hide him away in the cabin till he felt okay again, but kept telling himself that exposure was vital.

Of course Kelly was on the case, she always was, and had already offered Tyler the opportunity to stay on the boat with her, but once he turned her down, she didn't ask again. She knew that he wanted to do it, to conquer his growing fear, and she was determined to help him do it.

"Ooooh, it's so warm," Chris called out as he lowered himself into the pristine blue ocean. Rather than joining Tatum, Zack, Maddy and Jay where they were frolicking and messing around, he stayed close to the back of the boat, waiting patiently to see whether he could offer any help.

"Baby, one more set then you've got to stop." Kelly told Tyler as he tapped the floor.  
"Four more."  
"Nope, you're done now baby," she said without a doubt and guided him further towards the back. Thankfully he didn't protest too much, so Josh knew he wasn't too deeply submersed.

"Here, Mrs Joseph, how about these?" Rodrigo appeared, armed with 6 different colour foam swimming noodles.  
"Ah, perfect, thank you, great." She took two off him and he put the rest on the bench then disappeared again. "How about that Ty? Take a floaty or two with you so that you don't need to think about treading water and keeping your head up?"  
"Okay," Tyler nodded. "Th-thanks,"  
"That's okay darling, now, should we try going in? Try, knowing you can get straight back out again?"  
"Josh," He turned and looked at him, fear in his eyes.  
"I'm here bubba, I'm here." Josh stepped forwards and side hugged him, planting a big kiss on his recently sun creamed forehead.

"Come on, come try with me," Kelly smiled and sat down on the back of the boat, dipping her legs in up to her mid shins.  
"Mom,"  
"You can do it,"  
"I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm,"  
"You're scared, but your capable." She looked him straight in the eye, but still Tyler hovered back nervously, so Josh went and sat over the back too, dangling his legs. He made sure to leave a big enough gap for Tyler to sit in between him and his mother, and after a few more hesitant seconds, he did.

Tyler hugged his legs close to his chest, two noodles tucked under one arm, and looked at the water fearfully as Josh kicked casually and Chris trod water just a few yards away. Josh couldn't almost see the cogs whirring in his boyfriend's mind as he battled for bravery, and carefully carefully managed to unpeel himself, dipping a single toe then retracting again quickly.

"Well done baby, see, you're so brave!"  
"And nothing bad happened kiddo," Chris added.  
"Should we try again?"  
"Sharks,"  
"There's no sharks near us baby,"  
"If there were then I sure as Hell wouldn't be here." Josh smiled, and Tyler looked up from his anxious fiddling fingers and made brief eye contact. He wanted to reach across and settle his boyfriend's hands, but knew to be patient and give him space.

"Would it be easier to just jump in Tyler? Like ripping off a bandaid?" Chris suggested from the water.  
"No!"  
"We don't have to Tyler, we can take it slow if you prefer." Kelly soothed her son. "Yeah?"  
"I, I, um, Josh,"  
"Yeah babe?"  
"Will, um, can, c-can, will you, um."  
"Will I what?" Josh asked softly.  
"I just, I, I." He started shaking then whispered. "I need help Josh,"  
"And I am here to help in every single way babe,"  
"Will you go in with me?"  
"Absolutely."  
"And stay by me?"  
"Yep."  
"You promise?"  
"Swear on my life." Josh nodded.

"Ty! You coming?!" Jay yelled, swimming over with huge splashing strokes.  
"I, I'm coming."  
"Just give us a couple more minutes sweetheart." Kelly called back to her youngest son.  
"No, I, um, I, I can do it." Tyler insisted shyly, standing up and clutching the noodles protectively but determination of steel glowing from within him. Yet again, Josh's heart swelled with pride.

"One step at a time, no rush." His mom said calmly as Tyler timidly turned 180 degrees so that he could climb down the overhanging ladder.  
"Josh,"  
"I'm here babe, I'm here." Josh reassured him, then decided to get in the sea himself. Tyler was on the top step, occasionally getting a little water splashing his heels due to the small waves and the rock of the boat, but not fully submersed. His boyfriend opted to take the quicker root and pushed himself off the back of the ship and plunged straight in, sinking quickly and deeply enough that even the top of his hair got wet.

As he emerged through the surface, he immediately wiped the stinging salt out of his eyes and spat it out of his mouth, then pushed his hair back and paddled the tiny distance over to the bottom of the ladder, grabbing hold of the metal side.

"Josh?"  
"I'm right here baby, I got you."  
"How, how many more steps?"  
"Maybe 4 or 5?" He guessed, watching proudly as Tyler lowered himself down each step and deeper into the thing he feared so much.

"Kiddo, if you give your man your noodles then he'll hold them for you so you don't need to faff?" Chris suggested, and Tyler nodded shakily and dropped the two noodles down, which Josh quickly grabbed to stop them floating away. He stacked them on top of each other and bent them into a slight U shape, then waited as Tyler took one nervous hand off the ladder and twisted, then took a slight moment of faith as he let go entirely and panickily reached out for the floats and for Josh. Once Josh guided Tyler into the U, he could see the instant relief, then the small smile of self-pride grow.

"You did it, you're in the ocean Ty, you did it." Josh grinned, treading water as Tyler gulped a mix of shaky and fast excited breaths.  
"I did,"  
"I'm so proud of you,"

 

 

After 10 minutes of bobbing around in the ocean, incident free, Tyler had relaxed and gained some confidence. They'd drifted away from the boat but he was okay with the distance, and even messed around a little with his noodles, swapping between putting them behind him, then through his legs like a seahorse. It reminded Josh a little of his childhood swimming lessons, laughing with the other kids up and down the shallow pool in seahorse races, but once his dad saw him have fun, he was switched to a more serious class.

Tyler still wanted his mom right by his side, but that was okay because she didn't dream of being anywhere else. It meant Josh had a little freedom to mess about for himself, sometimes diving to the bottom to pick up shells for his love, sometimes having splash fights with Zack and Jay, and sometimes diving off the top of the boat.

Jay had been the first to suggest it, but pretty quickly everyone except Ty and Kel had joined in. The entire route from the first ladder up to the edge of top deck was wet and slippery, which added to the thrill as the teens and Chris avoided falling on their butts (so far Zack had been the only victim, much to everyone's amusement). They had to climb over a rail with was no doubt in place to prevent them from doing what they were doing, but Rodrigo and Melissa didn't seem to be bothered. Then there was a 10ft drop down into the clear water.

To start with, they'd all been working up the courage to simply jump. However by the third or fourth attempt, people were cannonballing and star jumping and twizzling. But Josh was pretty sure that he was being the dumbest (and the coolest) as he climbed over the railing then turned backwards and prepared to backflip off.

"Dude, if I die then this is your fault." He laughed at Zack, who was up the top with him, waiting for his turn.  
"I'll sing at your funeral." Zack laughed back.

Josh's main concern was getting far enough away from the side of the boat to avoid banging himself, so he bent his knees till he felt the strain on his shoulders, then sprung as far out as he could, arching his back before tucking in his knees and spinning round. Before he knew it, he crashed into the water and felt it go up his nose. Once he burst through the surface, he also immediately burst into a fit of giggles.

"How cool did I look?" He swam across to be with his boyfriend and his hopeful future mother in law, who were just out of the splash zone.  
"Ice cold." Kelly laughed a little, staying protectively close to Tyler.  
"Thanks Momma Joseph, that's the nicest thing you've ever said to me." Josh held his hand against his heart for a moment before needing to tread water with it.  
"Oh shush you," she tutted then splashed him a little.

"I wanna try." Tyler said quietly, and Josh wasn't convinced he'd heard correctly until Kelly questioned it too.  
"Try? Try what baby?"  
"Jumping."  
"Off the boat?"  
"Yeh,"  
"Ty," Josh wasn't convinced it was a good idea. "Are you sure?"  
"I, I think so,"  
"Sweetheart you don't need to try and keep up with those fools, they get that this is hard enough for you, you don't need to prove how brave you are, they all already know." His mom told him.  
"Yeh, no, no it's not proving to them, it's just, I dunno, I wanna try for me."

"Why don't we go round and jump off the front together then? That's only like 5ft?" Josh suggested.  
"I wanna, I wanna try the top."  
"Baby I dunno if that's a good idea."  
"It's pretty scary up there Ty."  
"I'm, I'm okay with heights."  
"You've just got to think about the potential risk of getting overwhelmed, of too many little triggers adding up and ultimately having big consequences."  
"Babe, you've done so so well today, exceptionally, and everybody is in awe of you've coped. Let's not damage the memories we've made today with an episode. You don't deserve to go through that." Josh said softly and calmly as Jay and Maddy cannonballed simultaneously.

"I want to join in. Please."  
"Momma Kelly? Your call."  
"Hmm," she thought about it. "Stick together, yeah?"  
"Yeah." Tyler nodded.  
"Go on, alright then."  
"Thanks Mom." Her son grinned and so did Josh.  
"See you in a minute." Josh smiled and then he and Tyler started swimming over to the back of the boat, or at least Josh swam, Tyler bounced over on his float-seahorse setup.

"Want a hand up?"  
"Thanks." Tyler nodded, so Josh reached down and helped his boyfriend up the ladder, but kept hold of his hand even once they were stood right next to each other.  
"You wanna take your noodles up? Or leave them?"  
"Not sure."  
"Well you can swim, you can swim very well, so it's not like you need them, it's just whether you like the comfort factor of having them?"  
"Nah, I have you." He put them down on the bench and kissed Josh on the cheek, then giggled a little when Josh looked at him with love in his heart. He was adorable.

"I'll have you know Tyler Joseph, I've been doing a very good job of not getting a stiffy in my swim trunks this whole holiday, don't you go trying to ruin that on our penultimate day."  
"Have you got a noodle fetish Joshua?"  
"Funnily enough, no. I'm on about you and your constant cuteness," Josh smiled, holding Tyler's other hand too.  
"Hey, I can't help who I am." Tyler shrugged jokingly and Josh pecked him on the lips then gave him a quick, wet, hug.

"Come on plonker," Josh took his hand with a soft squeeze and then showed him the way to the second set of steps up to the top of the ship, not having to pretend they were holding hands for any reason except pleasure. The days of stupid excuses were far behind them.

"Oh hey kiddo, had enough of the sea now?" Chris was sat on the top deck, sipping a beer with his sunglasses on, looking very cool.  
"Not exactly." Tyler laughed.  
"We're jumping." Josh explained, arm wrapping around his younger counterpart.  
"Awesome! Good for you Ty."  
"Thanks Dad."  
"I'm serious kid, I'm really proud of you, you've totally knocked this vacation out the park. We didn't think you'd leave the villa, and yet here you are, jumping off a boat! You're smashing it."  
"I'm, yeah, thank you, I've really been trying hard, and yeah, I'm proud of myself too,"  
"All your hard work has been paying off babe." Josh stepped closer and held a kiss to Tyler's temple for a few seconds. A small proud smile crept onto Ty's face that Josh was getting more and more familiar with, much to his delight.

"Anyway, you didn't come up here for the cheese, you came here for the thrills, just know that we're all very proud of you Ty." Chris smiled.  
"Thank you."

"How do you wanna jump off? Like, do you want to do a star or something?" Josh climbed up over the railing first and stood on the little overhang, watching closely as Tyler copied.  
"High school musical jump."  
"Hahaha okay, 3, 2, 1!"

 

 

  
The flight home had been delayed by an hour, so Josh had taken the time to hunt down a store in the airport that sold blankets, and had bought one for Ty. Once they were eventually allowed onto the plane, Tyler's butt had barely touched his seat before he drifted off, fast asleep. The mean air hostess lady had forced him to wake back up for the safety briefing, but Tyler barely managed to keep his eyes open for the entire thing until eventually lifting the arm rest between them and curling up against Josh's chest, and going straight back to sleep.

His new navy blanket was tucked right up under his chin, and Josh had his arm wrapped around his boyfriend's body, so casually stroked the fluffy material in hopes of conveying his love even when the younger wasn't conscious. And although the idea of getting pinned to an airplane chair by a sleeping person was the nightmare of many, Josh felt so comfortable and so in love and so blissful that he didn't even care that his headphones were out of reach. He wouldn't change anything, because Tyler was happy, and so he was glowing.

As soon as Tyler said that he was gonna have a shot at the vacation, Josh knew he was going to do his absolute best. However Tyler's absolute best had been miles above what Josh had even dreamt of. He hadn't underestimated Tyler, he'd simply been blown away by his strength, and had so much hope for the future.

In secret, Josh had been anxious as of late. Tyler was doing well, but they had a difficult few months ahead of them. The stress for his law exam was only going to get worse, then they'd be moving in together to a new apartment, and then Josh would be starting his career as a lawyer and Tyler would be going to college to qualify as a music teacher. He'd been nervous about how they'd cope with all the changes, but seeing how spectacularly Tyler had managed on the vacation gave him a sudden boost of confidence, and he knew that they were going to be okay.

Across the aisle from them were Kelly and Chris, both out for the count but still holding hands. It was such a pleasure to have such a beautiful couple as role models, they had been through Hell themselves and yet their relationship never faltered, and Josh both hoped and knew that Tyler and he were going to follow in their footsteps.

Behind the in-laws sat Jay and Maddy, who were watching a movie together and not quite cuddling but both leaning towards each other, and it made Josh smile. The pair fought all the time, but at the end of the way they loved each other deeply, and that was a special thing. He hoped that Tyler would one day see how inspiring he was and feel confident enough to have children, so that they could have their own son and daughter with their own love hate relationship. But if not, Josh was surrounded by enough happy people for him to be more than satisfied.

Not long ago, even as recently as a year, the idea of the whole family flying to an island for a week of relaxation was simply impossible. It wasn't just Tyler who would have struggled, but his parents wouldn't have left his side, Zack would've spend the entire trip in protective mode so Tatum would have been worried for his wellbeing, and Maddy and Jay would not have been able to enjoy themselves in the tense environment. So really, it wasn't just Tyler who had made progress, it was everyone. And that was yet another reason for Josh to smile.

Tyler, still soundly asleep, wriggled a little bit and repositioned his head, then once he settled again, Josh leant down and kissed him gently. The sun was setting outside and the view from the window was spectacular, but Josh far preferred to watch Tyler's gentle snores and the soft way his lips were pressed together and the innocent flickers of his eyes against their lids as he watched his dreams play out. It was something Josh could relate to, having his dream play out right in front of him.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this in about 8 minutes and didn't stop to edit it so pleeeassee don't judge me for spelling mistakes  
> Love you all and thanks for your support, my anxiety was being a dickhead but it's got back in its box now xx


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